In short: When you see the kid in your colleague you want separate what they do because of their role and what they do because of their personality. Both parts might have different needs, fears, wishes, etc.

A weird piece of advice that is often given to help people with public speaking is to imagine that the audience is made of people who are naked.

Another version of this that helps me more in the workplace is the idea of imagining your colleagues and yourselves as children playing a game together. It helps me because it makes me realize that my boss is also another kid, who has things he loves, hates, understands and does not understand.

Once we start understanding that people are not only their role but also the kid in themselves, we get to ask:

• What are you passionate about?

• How do you like to play and work?

You then understand that to work well with Bob, calling him first will do way more wonders than sending him an email. And that for Maria it is the opposite. You will be able to use metaphors that fit with what people understand and are passionate about.

And you will also understand that John is usually grumpy on Mondays because he had to manage his three kids during the weekend alone.

The trick is then to be able to separate what part of your interactions are driven by the role the person has, and what parts are driven by the kid they are. Sometimes it is even helpful when you do this for others. For example by saying: in my role as the project lead this is what I need. And as Daniele, it would make my life easier if we can work like this.