There are important things we need to change in our way of living. And it’s urgent. So it’s natural that we might get angry at those who don’t want to make the changes happen! 

One thing I learned from Motivational Interviewing (1) is that confrontation doesn’t work. In fact, confronting people by showing them how stupid they are doesn’t make them change their opinions. Instead, it makes them give you more reasons why they think you are wrong and they are right, which in turn makes them more convinced (2).

So being a dick  isn’t just an impolite thing to do, it also isn’t effective.

Saving the world shouldn't mean we can be dicks to other humans.

Action question

What’s one aspect where you have been confrontational with colleagues or peers? How can you be less a dick about it?

Footnotes

(1) Which is a type of therapy in the world of psychology that has helped a ton of people make big changes in their life like stop beating their partner, stop using drugs, etc.

(2) There seems to be research that shows that the more clinicians use confrontation, the less chance there is that the person will change:

Maximilian Eyle (2019). The Rock Bottom Myth: How a misunderstood theory about addiction harms drug users and drug policy. St. Ann's Corner of Harm Reduction. Available at https://swis.ac/confrontation accessed 24 November 2024. 

The inspiration

We discussed this principle with Service Design and sustainability nerd Haley Anderson. Watch that part of the interview here.

Daniele's notes

• This is the first shitty draft of this principle

• This principle might one day make it in the fifth book in the "Service Design Principles" series that explores how to better serve humans and the planet.

• If you're curious about service design principles, you can get the four previous books in the series, with proofread principles and less grammatical creativity.