In short: Ask leaders when they give a piece of feedback that seems emotional "Is this an idea we can build on, or is this a decision we should implement? ". And then follow up with an example of how you could do something opposite to the feedback to verify it's truly a feedback and not a decision.

The ambivalence between Heart vs. Gut

Sometimes, leaders face a an internal war between their heart and gut. The heart wants co-creativity, bottom-up approaches and deep involvement of the team. The gut, sometimes, has a clear plan and expectations. And sometimes leaders, as every other human, are ambivalent between the two.

Ask: is it an idea or a feedback

In these moments of uncertainty or ambivalence, I double-check by asking a simple question:

Is this an idea we can build on, or is this a decision we should implement?

This question helps differentiate between flexible suggestions and decisions that should be followed "as is".

If the leader says it's a decision, then it's clear—the gut is speaking. We follow the directive as stated.

Verify if it's really a feedback by showing how you might not implement it

If the leader says it's an idea, I like to push it further. I say something like this:

So if I got your right, we should explore [A] but if after our exploration we notice that [C] is better then it's okay that we don't pursue [A].

If the leader shows discomfort in body language or in saying no; it was clearly a decision and not a piece of feedback.

These tiny and simple questions make things so much clearer for everyone involved. The team knows what the leader expects from them. And the leader has solved its ambivalence.

Written with AI help
This article is based on an audio note I took while walking that was then transcribed and cleaned with Audiopen. I then review and improved the text by hand.